“Telling it all” in anonymity makes me brave with what I’m willing to share. It helps keep my attitude good in “real” life, and I don’t have to ::smack:: those who deserve it.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

I don't understand. No, not really.

Sometimes I say "I understand." when I really don't, but because my feelings are pretty hurt, I don't know what else to say.

I do not know why you treat me this way, I really don't.   I know you don't talk to others the way you talk to me, and I have *always* been here for you.   They have not.

You have continually chosen the wrong friends/boyfriends, and when they treat you bad, you "still love them."  But me?  No, I get treated like I am the one who has treated you so badly.   I have always had your back.  Always.   My tears are flowing right now, but I will never let you know how badly you've hurt me.  I'll just put it out here where nobody can put you and me together, except one, and she will pray for us, I know.

The thing is...I bailed you out yet again yesterday.  After I reminded you take care of it, more than once.  You didn't, and it cost me a lot of money.  I never once said, "I told you so."  I never once complained about hard I'd saved the money, and to yet again have to fork it over because of your dumb decisions.  I just smiled and told you everything would be OK.  And I don't think I would have ever resented it, until you treated me they way you did today.

And now, yeah.  I resent a lot of things.   When I think of all the things you have done that you shouldn't have and it cost me money, and then you turn around and do something that nutty again...then treat me like I am the one who is the source of all your problems...yeah...right at this moment, I am a little resentful.

I will forgive...I love you.   I will still have your back.   I will probably bail you out again some day.  But right now, I'm going to be mad at you.  I'm just going to be really mad for a while.  You won't even notice that I am not speaking to you.   But I'll notice, and I will be missing you...but not your attitude.